I'm having a crisis of confidence today. As Greg and I inch slowly closer to this next-contract-signing time (this summer), we talk a lot about various visions for the future. There are so many possibilities. But the one I've been dwelling on today is the idea of staying with Cirque for more years. And I'm feeling a little panicky at what this would mean for my life.
I look around at the other Cirque wives - in particular, the ones who've been doing this for 5, 10, or 20 years. (!) They are wonderful people, and I've been really enjoying getting to know them. But when it comes down to it - they are housewives. They do not have their own careers, and do not aspire to having any. They worry over the same things my "normal" parenting friends do; kids' illnesses, outgrown clothing, putting healthy meals on the table, and keeping their own sanity by finding projects and throwing birthday parties and baby showers. But they don't even have hobbies of their own. And they never hire babysitters. As far as I can tell, they are content to care for their children and travel around the world, taking life one day at a time.
Cirque du Soleil is such a good place for my family to be. Besides the prestige for Greg's career, we have a better income than we had before with both of us working, we have health insurance, we have free and excellent schooling for the children. I am able to stay home and watch over my little ones growing up, and we are able to see the world together as a family. These are not small things.
For Greg, the price he pays is a very demanding work schedule, and a lack of time/energy for his own creative projects. And for me, it looks like my price may be having my own career. Can I live with that? For how long can I live with that? ...it may simply be a matter of ego. Which I have never been all that good at subduing in the past. stay tuned....